Buzzin Around NYC w/ Adam: A Murder Most Fowl

Sticky, We Hardly Knew Ye
Sticky, We Hardly Knew Ye

Nine years after the terrorist attacks that destroyed the World Trade Center and shook our country to the core, Osama Bin Laden is still free. But the federal government apparently works a lot quicker when the attackers of an airplane are Canadian geese.

In January of last year, Canadian geese flew into the engines of US Airways Flight 1549, forcing Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III (Sully) to make a dramatic landing in the Hudson river. The geese may have thought they got away with it, but they were wrong.

As reported by the New York Times this week, since the incident, federal officials have been quietly exterminating the Canadian goose threat around the city. Last summer, 1,235 were rounded up at 17 sites in the five boroughs… and later killed in gas chambers.

Recently, the Feds swept through the goose community of Prospect Park, home of “Sticky,” a loveable, huggable goose who had been been shot through the neck by an arrow from an unknown assailant (no doubt an anti-Gooseite). The goose garnered sympathy and citywide attention, and onlookers were amazed when Sticky ripped out the arrow himself, probably using his own beak. Pretty bad-ass.

But even Sticky, like all his friends, was gathered up and sent to the gas chamber.

Now, I know the bigots out there will say he’s just a goose, that they’re all just geese. But local experts say that this particular geese colony wasn’t of the same ilk that attacked flight 1549:

“It’s really important to remember that the Canada geese that collided with Flight 1549 were tested by researchers at the Smithsonian and they were not populations that lived in our area,” Mr. Kaplan said.

Most of the geese at the park were probably year-round residents, said Paul D. Curtis, an associate professor of wildlife sciences at Cornell University.

So these geese were innocent! Only guilty of making annoying squawks and painting soccer fields white with their excrement.

According to Dr. Curtis, these geese and the ones that often cross paths with jets are difficult to tell apart. But does that mean that we should just kill them all?

Alas, this policy shouldn’t be surprising. Nine states right now are gung-ho for a law mandating racial profiling immigrants: they all look the same, so lets harass them all like they were illegals. If people can’t even understand that people are different, even if they share a nationality or religion, then how can we expect them to differentiate between the good and bad eggs among geese?

Let the tragic death of Sticky and his friends remind us all about the dangers of blaming a group for the actions of a few. Let him not be forgotten. Let his martyrdom make us demand a more sensible system for ferreting out the evil in our midst, other than rounding up anyone who “looks” bad.

And can we please get Bin Laden? Like maybe before the ten year memorial?

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