Carly’s Dating Chronicles: Hot Drunken Mess

Last night my Matchmaker mom set me up with a guy named Jack. She heard about him through one of her friends, but she never actually met him. Her friend, let’s call him J, is really good friends with Jack. J raved about Jack and said he’s a great catch. I’ve met J before and he’s really cute so my mom and I trusted his judgment. Jack isn’t on facebook, so my mom and I weren’t able to see pictures of him before the date. It was a true blind date. I agreed to go out with him because J is good-looking, so I figured his friends would be too.

Jack’s looks weren’t the problem. He was tall, dark, and handsome. But, that was about all he had going for him.

Jack emailed me yesterday confirming the time and the place. He decided we should meet at Bar Coastal, which is a poor choice of a first date place. Bar Coastal was one of my favorite bars in High School. It’s a neighborhood bar that you can go to in your pajamas. In High School I did – many, many times.

I arrived at Bar Coastal exactly on time. Despite the horrific heat, I wore Urban Outfitters skinny jeans, Casadei stilettos, and a Theory tank top. I spent an hour flat ironing my hair because it was so humid outside. My clothes were sticking to me but Jack wasn’t getting me naked so it didn’t really matter.

When I walked in, Jack was already there. He was really cute until he started stumbling towards me. He got up out of his seat and almost fell flat on his face. I’m surprised the bar didn’t call the cops on him for being a wasted mess. His shirt was stained (with what smelled like Tequila) and he had onNew Balance sneakers. Who wears running sneakers on a date!? I’m in running sneakers right now and really short shorts, but I’m not going on a date.

I didn’t want to be rude and run out of the bar before I met Jack, but he was so drunk he could barely walk. He clearly stained his shirt because he was so intoxicated. I introduced myself and told Jack that it was really nice to meet him but my friend’s boyfriend had just broken up with her and she was hysterically crying. I apologized for being so rude and bailing on our date but I said I had to go. He just smiled at me and nodded his head. I figured a little white lie was better than pretending I was someone else when he stumbled towards me. I left Bar Coastal as fast as I could.

I’ve never gone on a date where the guy was basically incoherent, but it was definitely interesting. I silently thanked my dating coach for giving Jack my email instead of my phone number. Now I just have to block his email so he can’t contact me again!

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