… I woke up the following morning from my crazy night of alcohol and alcohol induced texts, a bit hungover and feeling like a floozy. It was not until I left my evening companion’s apartment that I felt the reprocussions of my texts from the night before. I started bawling on the street as I headed to the subway. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I realized it was almost 8:30 a.m. and I still had had no word from mother. There was no taking back what I’d told her; she now knows the truth. Scared to death I reached the subway platform and felt my phone vibrate …
Surely enough it was from mom. We then had the following brief text exchange and I not only was rediculously scared by her reaction, but at the same time, slightly relived by her utter confusion as to what I was talking about … or so it seemed.
MOM: Hello dear – hope you are home safe and sound.
THE PAULINATOR: Home. and SO SORRY.
MOM: Sorry you drank or texted? I love hearing from you so don’t worry about texting. Slept right through it. Love you MOM
Granted I did not specifically say I was gay, however her willingness to not examine the text for what it actually is, simply shows me (and one of my sisters) that she is going to go down the denial route when everything is said and done.
I think I can honestly say it was by far one of the scariest moments in my life. I thought for sure she was going to be able to interpret the message and see it for what it truly was … and see me for who I truly am. I guess we’ll have to chalk that up to a dress rehearsal performance. Maybe now that I’ve attempted to tell her once, telling her for real won’t be so horrific.
June has officially been proclaimed “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Pride Month” from the White House. President Obama is the first president to reference bisexuals and transgenders in the title that traditionally is declared “Gay Pride Month” commemorating the riots at the Stonewall Inn here in NYC where the incident is acknowledged as the first time the gay community fought against a government entity in US history. It is also considered to be the starting point of the Gay Rights Movement, a movement I am proud to be a part of today as I continue to fight for marriage equality.
While my mother may be in denial, there is no denial anymore in my life and though I am still on this amazing journey of self discovery, I have truly been blessed with those people in my life that encourage me to be me. They inspire me to believe in myself and reach out as an active participant in life. That is the jumping point for where I would now love to see this weekly column; taking my Carrie Bradshaw idea of a fabulous gay life and morphing it into a column that inspires you to live your life honestly, respectfully and with PRIDE!