Dating in New York City – Holding Hans with Brian Hansbury: Eager Beaver

Dear Hans,

At dinner the other night my friends brought up the topic of how many dates to wait before sleeping with someone. Some girls said three and some eight. I feel like no one really knows what the norm is and that scares a girl like me who enjoys sex but doesn’t want to turn off a sweet guy by seeming slutty.

Eager In The East Village.

Listen, Eager, the only one who needs to know you’re a slut is your best girlfriend. Just don’t tell anyone else. That guy who seems like husband material, the one you really want to bang even though it’s the first date, all it takes is a simple lie and bat of the eyes to have him believing he’s your very firstest one night stand.

Guys love feeling exceptional because most of them believe they’re inadequate. That’s why guys date girls everyone knows are awful. You could tell a guy you’ve been out giving handies all week, but as long as you mention he’s the only one who got to see your boobs he’ll put you right up there with Mother Teresa. By keeping your genital warts a secret, you’ll make him feel like a real lucky guy!

As for which date is best to initiate sex, I’ve arrived at a scientifically perfect answer. ANY! By definition of your dating you are two horny strangers. The apex of the dating experience is sex. Why delay the inevitable? It would be worse to go on a few dates, lose interest and never even have sex, left with the burn of a frivolous bikini wax. So, it’s actually in your best interest to have sex as soon as possible. After all, depending on how lame your partner is, you’re relationship might need to be based on it.

The bottom line, girlfriend is you need to stop caring what other people think. You need to take ownership of your self-worth. If you fail or if you succeed, the one thing you can’t let people take away from you is your dignity. I decided long ago, Eager, never to walk in anyone’s shadow. Join me?

El Hans

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